Sad

One of my favorite comedians, Mitch Hedberg, died today. No cause of death is known yet, but there's speculation it was because of las drogas. Also, he was from St. Paul, which I did not know.
My mom always said deaths come in 3's, but I wouldn't have expected Mitch Hedberg to finish off the Terri Schiavo/Pope duo. I know the Pope isn't dead yet, but it doesn't sound good for him - hard to tell, though because they're being very secretive about the severity of his illness.

Baby baby baby

I am rarely actually in the PwC office, but everytime I come here I am simply amazed at my coworkers' ability to discuss two topics ad nauseum: golf and babies.
I feel like I'm in that scene in Being John Malkovich when Malkovich himself goes through the magic door and when he comes out, everyone looks like him and all the conversations go like this:
Little girl with Malkovich face: Malkovich, malkovich malkovich.
Dad with Malkovich face: Malkovich malkovich!

Except substitute Malkovich with babies or golf, two of the most boring conversation topics ever, in my opinion.

It all makes sense now

I've said this out loud to quite a few people, but for those who don't know, I am against shirts with words on them. I rarely wear one, except to the gym. I'm not against them on other people in most cases (except clever tshirt/too much hair gel type guys), but it's just a personal preference. This weekend, I figured out this may come from repressed childhood memories. We were looking through family photos trying to find a picture of the kayak my dad built (that's another story for another time, as is the hovercraft that was under construction for years in our garage) when we came across pictures of me as a baby in tshirts that said:

• Itty Bitty Titty Committee
• Nipple Freak
• Class of '97

Now, the first two clearly made people point and laugh at me, therefore causing the lifelong aversion to shirts with words. The third is included so I can pose the question, where did my math skills come from? Because it clearly wasn't from the parents who put me in that tshirt. For the record, I graduated in 1998 and no, I did not flunk a year.

Orlando - help

My mom and I are going to Orlando in a couple weeks and I can't find any good restaurant/entertainment recommendations through internet sites. Can anyone offer up a restaurant/entertainment recommendation that doesn't have to do with a theme park?Everything is so theme-park-centric, I can't find a simple restaurant or entertainment suggestion. Even Citysearch Orlando seems more geared toward tourist families than locals. The majority of the top restaurants listed there are burger joints or some other theme/chain/obnoxious type place. For example, Arabian Nights made the top 10 overall. Citysearch cannot be trusted. I can't look at horses while I eat. It simply will not ever happen.

Now, I know people live in Orlando and they do not spend their time hanging out at Paradise Island or the Universal Citywalk. There are people with jobs, and there's a downtown and sports teams and people are going out, but I can't seem to figure out where they're going. I feel there's a big conspiracy to keep quiet about the fun local places, but who can blame them?
I'm sure my Aunt Jean will be a wonderful tour guide, but I like to be informed and have my own suggestions as well.

Aviry's Theory

My sister believes they're pulling a "Weekend at Bernie's" with the Pope. She estimates he's actually been dead for a solid month.
However, this is the same girl who called Bush a "coke-fiend daddy's boy who fell ass-backwards into the presidency," then proceeded to vote for him...so take her opinion for what you will. Also, she prefers to settle arguments via Michael Jackson dance-offs.

Chris Rock = Genius

Relatives: Did meds play a role?

I'm going to take a cue from a wise man, Chris Rock, and say simply:
Whatever happened to crazy?

Your child was not perfectly well-adjusted until he took an anti-depressant or listened to Marilyn Manson. Your kid was already f-ed up and it's probably your fault. Sorry.

Laura's gonna be pissed

Today is a historic day for the University of Minnesota, the Gopher football program, and Gopher fans everywhere! The University and TCF Financial Corporation have agreed upon a $35 million corporate sponsorship that would include naming rights to the stadium.

On the bright side, L, at least it isn't Mr. and Mrs. Chan's Realty Co. Stadium, which would have poor circulation.

Dynasty?

The Right Ons won music trivia again last night. It was close the first two rounds, but we - in the words of the announcer girl - "blew everyone away" in the third round.

Me, Laura, Pink Taco 

Fight

I'm a little mad at Laura....and she's finding out through my blog. You'll notice she commented on the Love Box posting, telling me there really is a restaurant called the Pink Taco in the Hard Rock Hotel in Vegas.
Funny thing is, I know that because I've been there....with Laura....and I've got pictures to prove it. Thanks for remembering, bytch.

I'll tend to forgive this as we were in Vegas and things can't get a little hazy, but seriously...

I was on vacation....really

Over my lunch hour I bought Neutrogena Micromist sunless tanning spray. I'm very very excited to use it. I feel like this is the sort of thing I should keep quiet, but I'm going to blog about it anyway. I should pretend my tan is natural, but anyone who knows me would know I haven't even been outside when the sun is up for months on end, so there's no reason for me to even try pretending. So people who see me regularly, let me know if I'm looking a little orange - I'll appreciate the honesty. If this stuff works, though, I'm gonna be hella excited. I want to be tan, but think tanning beds and MysticTan are too expensive. I just can't shell out the $60+ bucks for a tanning package. I know that seems hypocritical from a girl who can buy four pairs of shoes in 10 minutes, but I've got to draw the line somewhere...and tans fade. Fabulous shoes are forever.

Oh, you meant the other Party Monster

Last Night I watched Party Monster: The Shockumentary. Note: do not confuse this movie with Party Monster, starring Macaulay Culkin, like I did. Basically the "Shockumentary" was the true story of Michael Alig, Macaulay's character in Party Monster, who started the Club Kid culture in New York. They interviewed Michael, who is now in jail for killing another Club Kid, and some of his friends, the majority of which are still stuck in the Club Kid era. I couldn't fathom how these people were ever the toast of NY nightlife, judging by how they look and act now. They all seemed soooo trashy. Don't do drugs, kids.

Great news

Project Runway is now taking applications for a second season. Although, I must say I'm a little concerned they're just starting this now. Let's get a move on, Bravo!

Bravo is auctioning the outfits the designers made in each episode as well. Too bad I don't have the money, because I bet those outfits would fit me perfectly.

Beverages

What's more useless, decaf coffee or NA beer?

Rehab II

Laura's internet addiction far exceeds mine. I'm like the Matthew Perry to her Robert Downey Jr. Exhibit A:

You know its true
Q: What is the best thing about wireless internet in your house?
A: Being able to use the www while going to the bathroom.

Yep, straight from Laura's blog.

Dirty Company Name

So I'm doing a little receiving cutoff testing, an innocent enough task, when I come across an invoice from the Love Box Company.

How dirty is that?

What's next, a catering bill from Pink Taco, Inc.?

Vegas Baby

I'm watching Breaking Vegas on the History Channel and tonight's episode is about Professor Blackjack. Ed Thorp, Professor Blackjack, is an MIT professor who figured out a card counting system that allowed players to beat the house in the long run. He's apparently the teacher who taught all the students in the book Bringing Down the House: The Inside Story of Six MIT Students Who Took Vegas for Millions, one of the most interesting books I've ever read. I'd go as far to put in my top 5 ever. Seriously. And now that I've brought it up, I'll finish out the top 5:
1984 - George Orwell
Slaughterhouse Five - Kurt Vonnegut
To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
Naked - David Sedaris

I'm sure I've missed something there since it's late and I've never thought much about my favorite book list.

Does anyone else think Merle Norman is the creepiest store ever? 'Cause I do. For the life of me I can't figure out how they stay open, either. There's never anyone in them. Maybe it's a drug front....but prescription drugs...'cause the store's for old people right? Now I'm just rambling and confusing myself.

Worst 5 Airports

I'm totally ripping off Laura and countering her best 5 airports list with my 5 least favorite airports list:

1. Stansted (London)
2. Charles de Gaulle
3. Atlanta Hartsfield
4. Miami
5. Keflavik (Iceland)

Editor's note: Keflavik is actually a very enjoyable airport if you don't lie to custom agents, MARC WENDORF!! He just had to get his passport stamped.

People are dumb...

...and they keep getting dumber. I can't believe legislation like this can be introduced and not be immediately dismissed as hateful beyond reason, and in our lovely, supposedly liberal state to boot:

House panel OKs gay marriage amendment vote

While were taking away peoples' rights why don't we just change the constitution to define marriage as between one WHITE man and one WHITE woman?
I guess the Civil Rights movement was only 40 years ago, which means people who thought blacks shouldn't have equal rights are still around....as are their children..and now they're just concentrating on gays. Scary...I've got to stop thinking about it. Sometimes democracy doesn't seem like such a hot idea when you consider what the average person believes.....

Alright, I'm gonna get off my soapbox and get back to work.

Delinquent

I'm a bad blogger this week. I'll make it up to you soon.

One fun thing - Dan Monson and his wife are making burritos at the Seven Corners Chipotle on Monday. Proceeds go to charity.

Go Gophers on Friday! Pretty excited about that 11.30am basketball game. Hopefully I can catch the hockey game. I've been an admittedly bad fan this year, though.

Laura is smart

I used to make fun of Laura for writing so many complaint letters to companies, but I'm beginning to see the error of my ways. Although I'm not quite ready to start writing letters about the poor design of Method brand laundry detergent bottles, I now write emails/letters for any problems I encounter while travelling. From my and Laura's experiences, it seems the keys to a successful letter are: stating that you're a frequent user and that you're typically happy with the product, but this time, you were a little disappointed by its performance. Don't sound angry or crazy and watch the free stuff pile in. You'll be amazed, as I was by NWA today. After the whole computer glitch thing, I was told I would get 8K bonus miles. When I only got 3,750, what did I do? You better believe I wrote another email. Not only did NWA correct the problem, they're giving me the whole 8K on top of the miles I already received. I guess it's true that the squeaky wheel gets the grease....or something like that.

Thought of the day

On the drive home last night, You Can't Always Get What You Want by the Rolling Stones was shuffled in on my iPod. The version was from Flashpoint, a live CD from the Stones. It got me thinking because Mick was heavily abusing (among other, much less legal things I'm sure as the CD is from the 70's) my least favorite get-the-crowd-into-the-song ploy ever: inviting the crowd to finish the lyrics in memorable parts of the song. At least it wasn't on video so I didn't have to see him cup one hand behind his ear while extending his microphone towards the crowd with the other. The thought alone makes me cringe.

Memo to any performer who does this - I paid to hear you sing, not Smelly McDrunkerson next to me. Sing the damn song yourself!

Am I alone on this one? If you enjoy this tactic, please explain your reasoning to me. Do you get a sense of crowd unity from singing along with your fellow fans? Are you honored the artist trusts you to finish the song for them? I just don't get it.

Fun Things

I need to concentrate on good things right now or I'm going to reach across the table and smack the guy I'm working with. Although, if I did I might be considered a hero by all the people at the client. (Read: They dislike him more than I do, to the point of some people refusing to talk to him - you get what I'm dealing with here.)

OK, so happy things:

• We went to the Timberwolves game for Heather's birthday yesterday. The Twolves won, and best of all Muck got "Happy Birthday Heather" shown on the scoreboard. Superfun!
• My mom and I booked our tickets to Orlando in April. The total cost of my ticket was $12.50 - NWA is back on my good side for now. To get myself through the next month, I just have to keep picturing myself in the warm sun, next to a pool, ice cubes in my drink making that happy little ice cube jingling noise.

Asshole Move

Senate Rejects Minimum Wage Increase

The minimum wage hasn't been raised since 1996. That's almost 10 years ago.

If I ran the country, minimum wage would automatically increase/decrease each year in line with the CPI and it would be adjusted for standard of living...aka minimum wage in NYC would be more than in Jefferson, SD. Just makes sense.

Partay!!

Our party last night went off smashingly....some people (Jerry!!) took that a little too literally and broke a window...oh, and spilled candle wax all over the floor, but besides that it was very fun. Today I am grateful for our house that was totally clean by noon, the fact that it's warm outside and I didn't freeze my ass off in my broken-window room, our new couch so Heather and I can both lay around reading Go Fug Yourself and watching The Office without one of us having to lay on the floor, and last but not least, biscuits and gravy.

I really like the word "trickery"

Valley Lounge

Julie and Brandon introduced me to the Valley Lounge last night. Dive bar does not even start to desribe it. Among the highlights were the six-seven month pregnant girl drinking with her friends and the man with an eye patch who sang Brown Eyed Girl. No joke. Brandon jumped on the obvious joke and kept singing One Eyed Girl and making pirate noises. Arrrrr!!!

Right On

The Right Ons won trivia Wednesday night in a sudden death playoff with the Pink Panty Peelers. I'm not even making that up. It really was a sudden death playoff. AJ wins MVP for knowing P. Diddy smashed a chair and a champagne bottle over a rival record producer's head.

It's over

Dear Nine West,
We need to talk. I used to like you, but lately things have changed. I'm not sure if it's you or me, but bottom line is your Spring line is revolting to me. What is this? Don't make me mention these Birkenstock/Dr. Scholl's knockoff bow things. And that's only the beginning....

But seriously, I used to buy a lot of Nine West shoes and have purchased them pretty recently. Were my shoes on par with the hideousness of those pink satin nasty things? If so, where were my friends who should have told me? Wearing Nine West shoes, too, that's where.

Between Nine West shoes and Old Navy's bermuda shorts, it's going to be one ugly summer.

Personal hell for only $19.50

I'm gonna take a page from the Go Fug Yourself (Best website ever!!) girls and say that no one should ever wear Bermuda shorts. Ever. As in they're not flattering on anyone. A curse on the house of Old Navy for bringing them to the masses.

Famous People from Jackson

That's right, someone from Jackson, MN, home of the Whisneys, is famous....in a very roundabout way.
A priest involved in the exorcism that The Exorcist was based on was born in Jackson. Sorry, that's as good as it gets for Jackson.

Rehab Time

I am officially addicted to the internet. I nearly had a nervous breakdown a couple weekends ago when my wireless went down for a day. I was absolutely helpless without it. I had no idea how to get directions to a new restaurant without Mapquest. I definitely couldn't tell you how to buy a plane ticket without the internet. I refill prescriptions and pay most of my bills over the internet.
So this morning I purchased postage stamps online for the first time. It was so easy - I'm pretty sure I'm never going to a post office again. Just thought I'd share as somehow, buying stamps over the internet seemed to symbolize true internet addiction.

Easy

While living in London, I spent a considerable amount of time at easyEverything, the most massive internet cafe ever. It was just row upon row of computers. The same company also owns easyJet, easyMobile, easyMoney, easyCinema, easyBus.....you get the picture.
The latest, and possibly most exciting, addition to the easyFamily is easyCruise. The ship stops at 7 ports in the Italian and French Riviera, and passengers are welcome to get on/off at any point as long as they're on for a minimum of two nights. A double room is only 59 pounds per night (for both people as far as I can tell). Too bad it'd be hella expensive for an American to get to Nice to get on the boat in the first place. We can only hope this idea makes it to the US soon.